The Bear

the script - break even

it describes me perfectly right now cause "when a heart breaks, it don't break even"

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^ He's made for Ms Jennifer S
| "here's a hug from me to you but if you don't talk to
| me there won't be anyone to give it too"


(if you do read this, I just wanted to end off with a smile, and a memory that I will cherish and hopefully you will too).

- Adzz

"Unless you love someone, nothing else makes any sense"

This quote isn't mine, it's from a past friends favourite author, search it up if you're curious =]

Anyway the whole point of me writing it up there, is because funnily enough that quote is completely true and i've realised that.

I'm not going to talk in third person view like alot of other bloggers cause that's just not me.

For my whole life, i don't think i've ever loved a person the way i loved a girl who i was with a bit back. But ironically i always seem to hurt the people i love more than anyone else =/

it's only because of the break up that i've come to the conclusion that if i love someone, then i need to show it, not through gifts and presents, but through action eg not hurting them.

i'm taking baby steps, but i think i'm almost there. it might take me a while still, but once i do get to that point, then will i be truly happy.

-Adzz

p.s just in case that girl that i mentioned above is reading it, don't worry e.e cummings is your favourite and hence is not my favourite or is anyone that i have a particular liking for. =]

Letting go

Lupe Fiasco Lyrics from the way you are remix:

First Rule Never Let Them Change You
Rule Two
Do You To The Fullest, And Never Be Ashamed To
You Just Good At What They Cant
And They Hate That They wanna Paint You
Any Color Put You in Another
What They Dont Accept
And What They Dont See
The Best Thing Is What You'll Already Be

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hmm, well i realised sometimes you need to let go, even though you don't want to, it's better to.

if you love something, then you should let it go, and if it comes back then it's meant 2 be.

it's her choice in the end.

-Adzz

The Way you Are (remix) - Bruno Mars ft Lupe Fiasco

...

He loved her. He wasn't good enough for her.

He always believed that you become like those you spend your time with. Maybe that was part of it. He loved all the things about her that he wasn't. Openness, purity, compassion. She was smiles and sunshine, and he belonged to the night. He wanted to be a good man, ached for it, but maybe some people were just born better at it than others.

-A

Man In the Mirror

i've come to realise, that i can't make an impact on the world or anyone around me unless i change myself first.

Michael Jackson was an inspiration and a very wise man. He realized that instead of trying to change the world from how you see it, change yourself to how you want the world to change and people will notice and do the same.

It's only when you lose someone that you realize how special they were to you.

Michael Jackson, can be defined as the world's greatest entertainer, yet so many lost interest or support in him in his later years it's appalling to see that people only notice some of his other great works after his death.

Same as Tupac, Eazy-E, Bruce Lee, Aaliyah and many more people who have given a voice to those who have none including themselves.

But now, all i can do is pray and look up to the sky to see if maybe they're looking down, guiding not just me but all of us, giving a little piece of the magic they had.

-A

Outrun the Rain

The quotes from this song sums up how i feel at the moment....

"Cause of what I did, now we no longer talking.
Yes I deserve it...
Tell me how to keep you here

...

You're asking me to go, but I don't want to leave.
You said forever, I would like eternity.
Baby one plus one should equal you and me.
Cause you are my shelter from the rain (Shelter from the rain)
I thought you'd hold on, you said you're too weak
I said lets talk about it, you wouldn't even speak
It used to be us, girl now there's no one here but me.
Cause I finally could outrun the rain."

yea that sounds about right =/ i don't know, i know i love you and i've tried to talk to you so i can get through to you, but like it says in the song...you don't want me 2 speak...

Jen, you do have a point and if i were you, i'd be pretty pissed n confused, cause i wouldn't know what parts of you are true, like i'd question myself..."was it true? did he really like me? or was it all games? is he just the same as he was before?"

i could concoct a billion excuses so it'd seem like i wasn't at fault, but what's the use of making up all of them when the only way 2 get through to you is by telling you the truth.

yes i did go clubbing that night, and yes i lied to you about my whereabouts. simply enough. when i was at the club, i didn't dance with any girls, all i did was drink.

the real reason why i lied is because of what happened when it was Thomas' birthday and i was meant 2 go out with them clubbing and you didn't want me to go so i stayed with you.

i know how upset you'd get if i told you i was going clubbing as of what can happen at clubs, especially when there are drinks involved and also girls around. it was a stupid thing to do, purely because i don't think anyone wanted me to leave the house that night =/

i didn't just make you upset...my mother was crying that whole night coz she smelt alcohol on my breath *sighs*

ahh i'm just stupid =/ when i was with you. apart from when i lied, everything else was actually improving. i wasn't lying to anyone, i was happy as i had a girl who i loved and loved me, and everyday just seemed brighter.

i'm an absolute dick for fucking it up. i'm going to be here for you always, and will keep trying to talk to you, cause i promised i wouldn't let go of you and that i did mean it when i said i wanted to be with you always.

i just hope you read this Jen =/

- Adam

Song: Taj - Outrun the Rain

p.s that picture up above reminded me of you....

thoughts running through my mind.

i wish that i could,
go back to the time, that i saw you last,
before all this came to pass,
i should've stayed a little longer, to talk and laugh with you,

but instead i'm sitting here alone, coping with the fact that you had to go,

cause since you've been gone, things just ain't the same,
and though life moves on, your memory remains,
ill try to be strong, to overcome the pain,

of living without you here girl.

this guy misses you,
his heart and soul do too,
he just doesn't know what to do,

he always looked up to you,
but now he'll have to look a lil higher, jus to talk to you,

Jen,

i've learnt from my whole life that people like to come and go,
sometimes we must learn to say goodbye to those we've come to love n hold,
but i never thought i'd see the day that i'd have to close your door,
i guess what i am trying 2 say,
is that i'm not ready to let you go...

there's not much left to say, the insights you had into my life were only for one person, and yet now the person is gone there's nothing much left to say...

ahh if she only knew =/

hope you guys liked whatever i wrote on this blog, coz it's the last time im writing.

- Adzz

J

you got everything that a man wants, your personality is incredible,

plus there's more
when you had 2 go along and have beautiful eyes with a beautiful smile,
that'll make me stop and ask, do u want my last name?

don't let me get started on your body,
seems like god took his time 2 design you,
baby i'm gonna make you mine cos there's something u have, something special girl =]


For J <3

(needs a bit of work i know, but i just wrote it while it was in my head)

- A

hmmm, i figured 2 go back 2 writing since there are 2 ways to express yourself and i lost one so here goes...

damn, baby I know we got some haters n i don't care what people say,
as long as you and me okay, cause i've never been in love before....

it felt so beautiful, put it in a rhyme because it feels so musical, but it aint no more cause i can't be lyrical, im sorry girl for what i did, cause what we got between me n u transcends the physical...

- Ad

for u.

We tried saying goodbye for so many days, but we always seem to walk in the same direction so that we could never stray...

People say if you love somebody, then you gotta set them free, but I would rather be locked to you than live in this pain and misery...

they say time, will make this all go away, but it's time that's taken my tomorrows n turned them into yesterdays,

Once again the rising sun is slowly going down, n once again you, my friend, are no where to be found...

way of expression.

hmm, i guess now that this blogging thing is more like a way of expression, an outlet for me to release all the stuff inside, except without going into detail, and without being judged.

'It's time for us to take our seperate paths, we had a lot of laughs but the good's become the past, let's make it an even break, don't make it scandalous, try and be mature..i'm pretty sure that we can handle this.

You're sayin I'm too busy, I ignore you, i guess you didn't hear me when I said that I, cared for you

But now it seems the arguments are nightly, i wanna hold you tightly but instead you wanna fight me, so why let it stress and aggravate me, instead i'd rather break, hope you don't hate me.

You tell me that you love me but you're lying, fightin back the hurt so just start cryin, i'll wipe away your tears, come and hug me

I love you like you love me girl, but don't you trust me?'

............i'm out

- Adzz

=/

You flew off with the wings of my heart and left me flightless. That is how i feel right now. No better way to describe the thoughts or emotions running through me =/

Ask me why I keep on loving you when it's clear that you don't feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can't force you to love me, I can't force myself to stop loving you.....i hate feeling like this. I should've stopped chasing you when everyone told me to stop.

Except i had hoped, "hoped" that you could see the difference between the boy that was then and the man that is now.

Instead i ended up with nothing. Maybe i'll just stick to being alone. Even though i'll want to be with you, for alas it is better than chasing you and hurting myself.

-Adzz

Hitch

I think that movie (Hitch) tells us alot about ourselves, and people in general.

Alex Hitchens aka 'Hitch' is a 'consultant' who helps guys get the girls of their dreams, telling them what to do and teaching them how to act. But what he doesn't realise is that, it's not what he teaches them what to do or how to act that the girls like, but them being Themselves.

Now why do you think i'm saying this? Because we live in a society, where everyone's trying to be someone they're not. Guys trying to be gangsters, Girls trying to be models when, if you ask the opposite sex what they want, all they want is someone they can be comfortable around and who cares about them...

my whole point is, why try being something you're not =/ you may think you're an individual but look at yourself...are you really an individual? or is one thing that a person may say affect you so much that you change yourself?

you're probably thinking, course i'm an individual, i wouldn't change if someone asked me to! but think about this, in the past, say for a relo, have you changed the way you acted? the way you dressed? the way you spoke? or lets say with a certain group of people, same thing, the way you acted, dressed or spoke?

This may be hard to believe but individuality is very rare. Nowadays EVERYONE thinks they're an individual that it's so hard to find an individual LOL!

an individual, is a person who makes that style, who makes you change the way you act, or speak, or dress! he/she have their own opinion, are respected for who they are and don't change...for nobody cause they're happy the way they are.

and hence this brings me right back to the start, be happy with who u are cause people love u 4 u, not who you're trying 2 be =]

song of the day: Common - Be

Quote of the day: Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself - Harvey Fierstein

- Adzz

OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG THIS IS OFF THE HOOK!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgLUYqjTmIQ - VICTOR KIM IS THE BESTESTESTEST!

ok anyway just had 2 get that done =]

so yeah im stuck at home for 2 days with a stomach virus! is this a bad thing? i think not, as it allows me to contemplate over some of the things that i haven't had the time to contemplate on :)

i wonder what the difference between fried and boiled rice, i mean cmon, whats the difference! rice is rice! oh btw i'm only saying this coz i'm stuck on a boiled rice diet for two days T_T that's the only thing i'm cut about =( apart from that everythings alllll good! =)

u know i reckon the creators of pokemon could take over the world. all they needed to do was put a subliminal msg into their games and then they'd have most of us under their control...esp asians, they go crazy for pokemon! LOL

mmm rice....

u know rice is called oriza in greece and bap by the koreans, massive name change there aye :P

anyway i cbfd blogging for today, heads absolutely goneee! plus im boring myself from the boringness of this blog! im out =]

quote of the day: "Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do" - Dane Carnegie

Song of the Day: Ne-yo - So Sick

- Adzz

fhasjklfhlasfhsk!

wow, i had a weird ass day =P

woke up at 1 in the arvo, got my licensing done, found 2 jobs :) and then did some uni work

after that i went 2 soccer, n thats when my stomach died...halfway through the road run T_T! spewing everywhere T_T x 91803092381903801239! embarressing especially cause it was with the older boys =(

but what do u do when u fall, get yourself up, brush yourself off and try again. for this to be achieved i need my body to heal, and once that's done ill be back! =]

i wonder, why did god give sickness and ill health? maybe it's for our bodies to obtain a natural immunity against the world, then again wouldn't it be easier if there weren't any sicknesses at all? then we wouldn't need 2 obtain the immunity right =p

RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! = I love u in dinosaur <3 =]

anyway time 2 jet!

song of the day shelter your heart by faydee

quote of the day: "people are so slow to love, yet so quick to hate" - malik yusuf

- Adzz

till its gone.

"This the kind of song that makes the angels cry, look up at the sky and ask god why, why, do we live and let die." - better on the other side by the game ft chris brown etc

M.J was an artist, a performer, a superstar...its only once he's gone that the grief for losing a man that was taken for granted is shown. Isn't this how it is with all? 2pac, Biggie, Nas, eazy-e...their records sold like crazy when they died and yet when they were alive it was alot harder...why do people do this? i guess its best explained in the quote "you never really know what you got till its gone"

this blog i guess is a mix of memoirs off the top of my head, my thought are intertwined and yet so far apart, its where i try 2 explain one thought at a time n yet go on to explain a million others.

kinda funny that =P

to keep my blogs leaving u with a smile on your face, another quote from a very influential man of my time Mr Homer J. Simpson - i hope i didn't brain my damage

- Adzz

18/5

it's raining.

so once again i'm here to try 2 sort out my thoughts someway. some people dislike rain, they think its cold and makes everything depressing. i deny this perception of it. rain is a symbol, a symbol of life and a symbol of forgiveness. now thats the typical thing to say. for me i just like rain cause idk i feel asif its cleansing. it calms me down and makes me feel renewed.

ok enough about rain, so what has been going through my mind the past few days. Well i now have a goal, question is am i going to do anything about it? if only i knew how 2 change and turn all my laziness into something productive =P

anyway i reckon if people stopped having such a pessimistic outlook on everything then the world would be a much happier place =)

"keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to" =P

song of the day, sublime - santeria

- Adzz

16/5

hi =)

i'm still just as confused as i was last time i wrote but i had a good day which is a temporary reprieve from the mess that i am. We won 7-0 in soccer today :) ahh, where would i be without soccer. it is my escape, from all the pressures and consistant feeling down. I guess it's the one thing that keeps me going atm...

maybe i'll keep this blog short and sweet, but oh i should say time for me is really slow! i realised today how much can happen in a week =O and damn, 2 days is a long time! lol =p i guess i lost track of time in the last few weeks. But anyway like i said i'll keep it nice n short for you guys =)

A quote i heard from a wise friend today "if seeing is believing, then i believe we have lost our eyes".

- Adzz

hmmm

Today was a weird day for me...being locked in a room for 8 hours straight kinda makes you think, why the hell am i locked in this room?! but then again there are the advantages of being stuck somewhere with nothing to do. it gives you time to think about stuff you didn't have time to think about before.

A really good quote i remembered today was "When you're right no one remembers, but when you're wrong, no one forgets".

Maybe this is just the rantings of a bored teenager, but i reckon, if anything i said up there makes at least one person think about themselves and the world around them, then i'm happy. Thought isn't done enough in this modern day society, too many people just let life pass by, without giving a thought to what's actually happening around them.

Have you noticed the world change? ask yourself when was the last time you actually looked around and saw how different it has become. a suggestion to help you if you can't remember the past is to take a photo right now, of your favourite place. give it a few months or even as little as a few days and something will have changed...

ahh if only i could explain what i'm truly thinking about, then maybe i'd find some peace instead of talking about something that you won't even think about or remember after you read it.

If you want 2 know my thoughts, listen to a song by common called i want you. it's not about the song, its about the lyrics.

anyway hope you liked reading this random blog by me, i promise ill make them better soon enough, i mean you can only get better right =P

-Adzz